Human languages combine many different expressions of communication in a complex manner. Ideas about written language tend to dominate scholarly investigations, but sounds and gestures have been more important in the evolution of communication systems. An evolutionary view understands language as an elaboration of the rich complexities of animal communications that combine body movements and sounds to pass information from individual to individual. 

Human communication is a mixture of sounds and gestures in the tradition of our primate relatives and ancestors. Communication with sounds involves head movements, facial expressions, eye movements and lip-tongue shaping of words. The combination of head position, eye movements and hand movements will often replace word sounds to convey meaning. A listener will often indicate his or her responses to a speaker with gestures and grunts. Talking, gesturing and thinking are different aspects of integrated processes.

The emotional meaning of spoken language depends on coordinating movements of the head, eyes, lips, tongue and facial muscles with sound intonation. The most expressive and engaging speakers display active faces and dynamic sound modulation.

Hand gestures are important indicators of the internal connections of words to meanings the speaker may be concealing, both consciously and unconsciously.  If you videotape a speaker and then review the performance with the sound off, you get another version of the story. Humans point, wag their finger, push, pull, make a fist, pound the table, wave, drawn figures in the air as they talk.

If you observe this “body language,” you will see gestures that are associated with old and not so nice activities, even in polite conversation. You can often observe speakers acting out violent actions: pounding, accusing with the pointing finger, slapping, pushing, shaking, punching, stabbing and slicing. These head, arm-hand behaviors are so common and implicit in verbal communication that they are not clearly perceived and their meaning operates at a subconscious level. If a conversation becomes argumentative, of course, these behaviors become explicit and a fight ensues with overt pushing, shaking, punching and stabbing.

Polite Talk

One the more important functions of spoken language is to maintain the peace. Polite talk is a collection of words and phrases that signal peaceful intuitions and acknowledge social status. Some polite sounds send a direct signal that inhibits aggression and anger. Polite talk is part of a collection of behaviors that manifest social status within a hierarchy. Stability in a group involves spoken interactions that fine-tune social status. A dominant human is confident and can command or demand with little or no polite talk. A submissive human makes appeasing sounds and uses words of deference along with statements of compliance. When strangers meet, they exchange greeting words and behaviors that establish status.

Equal strangers are polite; they exchange standard greetings and converse about neutral subjects such as the weather.  If their conversation continues, both will attempt to establish dominance over the other. Unequal strangers will show status-specific behaviors with degrees of dominance and submission. Conflict arises when one of the strangers behaves inappropriately. Deference is the antidote to conflict. In well-organized social situations status is recognized and conspicuously displayed so that there are few opportunities for inappropriate encounters. Proper distance is another feature of polite talk. Standing close is permitted only among friends and intimates. A stranger who stands too close is unwelcome or threatening. A dominant human who approaches closely is threatening.  

Humans evaluate each other continuously and quickly notice speech features, peculiarities and inappropriate words. The description “good personality” suggests that a person’s language and behavior suits the needs and standards of a specific group. Skilful humans learn appropriate polite talk and tell suitable stories in different social settings. The most agreeable people are polite, informative and entertaining. While a good performance is a social asset, a good listener may be more highly regarded. Asking good questions and listening attentively to the answers is a time-honored strategy for social success. A polite listener uses little sounds as a counterpoint to show approval of the speaker’s remarks.